A simple way out of the same old cycle.
If you've ever said “we just go around in circles” or “nothing ever really gets resolved,” there's a reason it keeps happening, and there's a way out that helps you feel close again.
It's the cycle.
Most couples feel like they have ten different problems. But when we look closely, it's almost always the same fight with a different topic. One of you pushes to be heard, the other pulls away to keep the peace, and round and round you go. Sometimes it looks different, like both of you blowing up or both of you going quiet, but it's still a cycle.
Neither of you is the bad guy. You're two good people stuck in the same cycle, and a cycle is something you can change.
the more one pushes, the more the other pulls away
Why this works when other things haven't.
Most couples I work with have already tried something, like therapy, books, or the big talk at the kitchen table.
How we get you back to each other.
Open each step to see what's inside.
1See the PatternSpot the cycle you keep getting stuck in
We slow things down and look at what actually happens between you, step by step, until the cycle is obvious to both of you.
- Spot the cycleWe name your cycle so clearly that you can both see it coming.
- Know your moveEach of you learns your go-to reaction when you feel hurt.
- Decide it's worth itWe get honest about what staying stuck is costing you, and what you want instead.
2Find the RootUnderstand why you react the way you do
We figure out why each of you reacts the way you do, without digging up your whole childhood, just enough to catch the old reaction before it takes over.
- Notice your old reactionYou get to know the part of you that reacts before you can think.
- See where you learned itWe connect your reaction to where it started, so it finally makes sense.
- Choose a better responseYou learn to catch the old reaction in the moment and choose something better.
3Practice the ChangeBuild simple skills you use at home
Understanding helps, but practice is what changes things at home. We work on a few simple skills together, and you use them at home between sessions.
- Own it and make it rightYou learn to say “that was me” and make things right, without beating yourself up.
- Really listenYou learn to listen so your partner feels understood, even when you disagree.
- Keep choosing each otherYou build small habits that keep you close long after we're done.
Couples work through all three steps with me over six months.
Built on Relational Life Therapy, developed by Terry Real. I'm a Certified RLT Coach, trained under him, and I've used this with hundreds of couples.
What changes when couples do this work.
From couples therapy to hopeful again
“When I started working with Eric, my wife and I were in couples therapy because she felt she no longer loved me and couldn't see a future together. After working with Eric for some months, we stopped couples therapy and decided to give our relationship another try. My wife felt hopeful about our future. We now enjoy more fun and emotional intimacy together.”
Oliver C.
“After 17 years, it felt like I was out of place and didn't have the emotional tools I needed. I was even facing the possibility of divorce due to our emotional disconnect. Three months in, my relationship with my wife has improved dramatically. We're having fun again, and the flirtatiousness is back.”
Jon C.“My wife was at her wit's end with our marriage. I was down to my last chance before she was going to separate from me. We tried couples therapy twice. But it wasn't until I started working with Eric that I finally found some concrete actions I could take.”
Mike S.“After my wife of 29 years told me that her feelings for me had died, I was devastated and tried to fix things, which only made them worse. Eric's program gave me the tools I needed to become more confident. I've improved how I communicate, listening more and being more understanding of her needs. We both feel our marriage is moving in the right direction.”
Brian R.“For years, my wife told me I was like another kid she had to look after. When I started working with Eric, I took responsibility for the health of my marriage. I learned to drop the defensiveness and passive aggressiveness and to stand up for myself in a healthy way. I feel emotionally healthier than I have in a decade. We actually enjoy being around each other now.”
Dustin“In just one week, we've gained more insight than we did in a whole year of couples counseling. I only wish we had found this program sooner. It's truly changing our marriage.”
Anonymous coupleStart by seeing your own cycle.
The free Connection Blueprint helps you spot the cycle you two keep getting stuck in, and gives you two simple tools you can try tonight.
Your partner doesn't have to be on board yet. Most couples start with one person.