Listen so your partner actually feels heard.
When your partner is upset, your first move is probably to fix it, explain, or defend yourself. L.E.A.D. helps you do something different. You listen so they feel understood, and you don't have to agree to do it.
Calm first. Then the tool.
If you're too fired up to do the reset, take a break and come back. That's not quitting. That's leading.
Label
Say what you see. It shows them you're paying attention.
Empathize
Try to feel what they feel before you say anything back.
Accept
Let them know their feelings make sense. You don't have to agree.
Deepen
Ask about what's underneath, the need below the upset.
Watch out for: jumping in to fix it. If you hear yourself say “Well, you should just...” or “That's not what I meant,” you've left the tool. That's okay. Take a breath and go back to Label.
Your rep this week
The next time your partner shares something, use just the first two steps. Label it. Then ask them to help you understand. Then stop talking.
Need to speak up instead of listen? Try the Feedback Loop
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