Say the hard thing without starting a fight.
If you usually go quiet or say sorry just to keep the peace, this one's for you. The Feedback Loop helps you say what's true in a way your partner can actually hear. The order matters, so go one step at a time.
Calm first. Then the tool.
If you're too fired up to do the reset, take a break and come back. That's not quitting. That's leading.
Share the fact
Say what happened, the way a camera would see it. No spin.
Share the story
Say what you made it mean. Own it as your story, not the truth.
Share the feeling
Name what that story made you feel.
Make the request
Ask for one clear, specific thing.
Watch out for: starting with “you always.” “You always” and “you never” sound like facts, but they're really stories, and your partner will defend against them. Stick to what happened this one time.
Your rep this week
Pick something small, a 3 out of 10, not a 9. Run all four steps out loud, once. It will feel a little silly the first time. That's normal.
Need to listen instead of speak up? Try L.E.A.D.
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